Hey you,
Yeah you the one who is probably back into our pre-pregnacy skinny jeans, happily trotting around holding our adorable ( I already know she will be ) little lady. Do you remember what it felt like to be THIS BIG? Beached whale is the term I like to refer to the most. Ok, Ok I may be exaggerating just a bit, but the waddling has gotten a little old. I may sound like I am complaining but believe me when I say I wouldn't have it any other way, constant back ache and all. I hope to look back at this letter, and laugh because I didn't realize just how easy I had it, but I wanted to write to myself, and as a reference for Harper when shes 50 about just what it felt like being pregnant. Like I said 50 ( yes daddy and I up-ed the dating age limit! )
Oh the glory days of morning sickness, 4 months in my case! and strange cravings of pickles & ice cream (not together thank goodness) have only become a sweet memory. I remember the day we found out we were expecting like it was yesterday, the overwhelming gush of love,happiness and fear that struck me all in one whirlwind moment. I still look back and wish I had taken a picture of my pregnancy tests, but the memory is enough for me. The day we found out I was around 4 to 5 weeks along, and I swear the morning sickness didn't start till I saw those 2 little pink lines. I prayed to the porcelain god every day, and quite often. Mexican food became my worst enemy, along with almost anything with any real flavor or spiciness to it. I have lived off of fruits and vegetables and now as we are only 2 weeks away from Harper's due date am I able to eat some of my favorite foods again. I really didn't show any signs of being pregnant before we got the positive results, other than the fact that I wanted to sleep so much more( not to sure why we didn't pick up on that?) I'm not going to say that I at least did suspect it, but was to nervous to confirm it.
Pregnancy has been a challenge for me more physically than anything, my small frame has led to lots of pain and caused me to carry very low making it hard to sleep, walk or even use the restroom without pain, but God I know it'll all be worth it when I hold my baby girl for the first time. James has had to rescue my out of the tub, out of the floor and out of our bed more times than I would like to admit but I'm so thankful hes so patient with me and doesn't get frustrated that I do have to depend on him so often. I think if my labor has been as hard physically as my pregnancy has that ill be in labor for a half a day or more, but only time will tell.
Everyone tells me all the time to rest as much as I can because I'll never sleep again, well I barely sleep now anyways so it will be an easy transition ha ha. I have been trying to take it easy lately though and relax and read instead of being super mommy to be and wonder wife fighters of grime and dust and defenders of organization! God I hope Harper thinks I'm as funny as James does, but I highly doubt I will be so lucky! Now as we prepare for Harper's arrival I realize I'm nervous. not scared but anxious. Will I be a good mom? Will I be able to keep up with my wifely duties, make my husband happy, and care for a newborn? How in the hell do I know if I'm ready for this?! Can't I just cross my legs real tight and wait a little longer? ( Ok, just kidding.. Harper needs to be evicted soon :] ) I know my worries are normal, but in invalid. I will be a good mom, because I will try and that's the best thing I can do. & I will learn to balance the juggling act of adding a bundle of joy to the mix, somehow but I will manage. & Yes I am ready for this, God would not be allowing me such a precious gift If I weren't. Now I do have nightmares from time to time that something will go wrong and that Harper wont make it, and that's honestly been a huge source of anxiety my entire pregnancy but I know that I have to leave all my fears and worries in Gods hands, and follow the plan that he has for us. I can not wait till the big day comes and I'm able to hold our baby girl for the first time.
The anticipation of our new life is killing me, but I know that as my life, as well as James is about to change forever and ready or not here it come. Remember the pain is only temporary, the reward will be worth every ounce of it. & Remember to pray and be thankful that day, and not stress of the little things.
P.S. & kiss that hot husband of ours a few times too & try not to break his hand!!
Love,
Me
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